Singer Demi Lovato revealed this week that she returned to using “she/her” pronouns because she found it “exhausting” to tell everyone all the time that she was a “they/them.”
In 2021, Lovato came out as “non-binary” and requested that fans use “they/them” pronouns when referring to her. One year later, Lovato added “she/her” to her list of personal pronouns because she had been “feeling more feminine.”
Now, Lovato says she resumed using “she/her” pronouns for an entirely different reason.
“I constantly had to educate people and explain why I identified with those pronouns. It was absolutely exhausting,” Lovato told GQ Hype Spain in a recent interview. “I just got tired. But that is why I know that it is important to continue spreading the word.”
Still, Lovato expressed feelings of oppression because, for example, most public spaces do not have gender-neutral bathrooms.
“I face this every day. For example, in public toilets. Having to access the women’s bathroom, even though I don’t completely identify with it,” she continued. “I would feel more comfortable in a genderless bathroom. Or it also happens when filling out forms, such as government documents or any other where you have to specify your gender. You only have two options, ‘male’ and ‘female,’ and I feel like none of that makes sense to me.”
Ironically, Lovato admitted she feels pressured to identify as a “woman.”
“I see myself conditioned to choose ‘woman’ because there are no more options. I think this has to change. Hopefully with time there will be more options,” she said.
Lovato’s reflections demonstrate the inherent problems with connecting grammar and gender theory.
Language, as a means of communication, naturally derives a way to talk about observable singular and plural categories. English, for instance, uses “they/them” pronouns to communicate plurality (i.e., more than one person) when referring to the subject or object of a verb.
It makes sense, then, that Lovato would have difficulty policing people to ensure they referred to her, a singular entity, using plural referents.
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