10 Things To Do On Mother’s Day When Your Mom Is Gone

There’s certainly no shortage of things to do with your mother present on Mother’s Day—including giving her presents. Many businesses have certainly made sure of that, offering all kinds of “deals” like meal specials, spa days, outdoor adventures and sporting events. You could even go to a Mother’s Day alpaca meet and greet or soap making workshop as long as your wallet is present too. But what do you do on this day each year when your mother is gone?

On Mother’s Day, Balance Paying Tribute To Your Mom And Yourself

That’s what I am faced with this year since my mom died last year. You may feel like you want to do something that offers the right balance of paying tribute to your mom, processing of the feelings associated with her loss, keeping you appropriately distracted and taking care of yourself. But that is seemingly a lot to balance.

It does make sense to honor her memory since your mother is responsible for so much of who you are beyond simply bringing you into this world. Plus, as I covered in Forbes previously, others may not be familiar with all that she offered—such as modeling grit for me when she had to overcome a lot of discrimination and unfair treatment.

At the same time, you undoubtedly still have things to continue to process, no matter how long ago her death was. Life is inherently different without her. There may be things that you didn’t get a chance to tell her while she was alive.

Plus, people and relationships can be very complex. Even when you very much loved your mom—which I overwhelmingly did—you probably didn’t always see eye-to-eye on everything because you are basically different human beings.

But spending the whole day processing without any breaks can be a bit tiring. It can be like going to spin class and having the instructor say, “OK. For the next 15 hours, pedal as fast as you can.” Taking breaks and keeping yourself appropriately distracted can also allow new and fresh perspectives about your mom and your feelings to emerge.

Such distraction can be part of the bigger goal of taking care of yourself. Don’t neglect your own well-being regardless of how much you want this day to be about your mother. That’s what mothers typically want their kids to do. I always knew that my mom deep down wanted me to get what I want, even though we would disagree at times as to what specifically that was.

10 Things To Do On Mother’s Day

So what specifically can you do on Mother’s Day if your mother is gone, besides have a conversation with an alpaca by yourself? Well, you certainly can partake in any of the Mother’s Day events going on around you—like having a spa da for yourself—if you are cool with seeing others enjoy the day with their mothers.

But if you do want to stay away from the typical Mother’s-Day-with-mothers activities, here are 10 possibilities for May 10, which happens to be Mother’s Day this year:

1. Write a letter to your mom: This could be the right day to write. Physically putting something down in writing can help you better understand and process what you are feeling. It also can result in a concrete tribute to your mom that you can then share with others if you’d like.
2. Create a tribute for your mom: A letter is not the only possible tribute. You can get quite creative with possibilities. How about painting a picture, filming a video, crafting a sculpture, yarn bombing or whatever you like doing?
3. Take a fitness class or play a sport: I am writing this article right after I did spinning and boxing—no, not at the same time, which would be awkward to the person next to you, but two separate classes back-to-back. Getting your body moving and blood circulating can work wonders. You may even make new friends because nothing leads to friendship better than a right hook, right?
4. Listen to your mom’s favorite music or watch her favorite movie: When I was sitting besides my mom on her last day in the intensive care unit in the hospital, I played on my smartphone Neil Sedaka’s “Laughter in the Rain,” one of her favorites. Maybe my mom heard it that day. Maybe she didn’t. But I certainly hear and see memories of her whenever this song is played.
5. Go to your mom’s favorite spot: Then there’s location, location, location as the saying goes. Going to where she liked to go can bring back memories too. The going part can help you get some physical activity, too, assuming that her favorite spot was not very close, like the bathroom.
6. Cook or eat your mom’s favorite food: Speaking of favorite spots, there’s a great sushi place not too far from where my mom lived. She used to say, “If you happen to want to get food from there, let me know. But only if you want to do so.” Yeah, I knew exactly what she really meant by that and will be making a special trip there sometime again.
7. Tell your friends about your mom: In the movie Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Dr. McCoy told Captain Kirk about Spock, “He’s not really dead, as long as we remember him.” Many of my friends didn’t get to see, for example, first hand how early in my career my mom served as my mentor and teacher when no else really would.
8. Take care of someone or something that your mom took care of when she was alive: This can be a person like another family member, a passion or a possession. Right now, one of these things for me is my mother’s house.
9. Volunteer for or donate to a good cause: This could be something that your mother was already contributing to or something that you think your mother would have liked.
10. Connect with others who have lost their moms: Remember, you are not alone. Although every mom and mom-child relationship is different, there are commonalities.

This is certainly far from an exhaustive list. Don’t be afraid to be open about wanting to find something to do on Mother’s Day and asking others for suggestions. And ask yourself what you’d really like to do. After all, while your mother may not be physically present any more, there’s at least a little bit of your mother in you. Happy Mother’s Day.