One of the simplest ways to relieve a bit of stress and turn a negative mood around is to have a couple of good laughs.
And one of the easiest ways to do that in daily life is to simply spend a couple of minutes on fun stuff like short videos, podcasts or a conversation with a friend.
A favorite of mine for this is to read funny and timeless sayings. And in today’s post I’d like to share 180 funny quotes of the day.
Use them to brighten your mood and to not take life too seriously. Bookmark this page for the rest of the week or tough days you know are coming up this month.
And send a favorite or two of these to your favorite people at work and in your personal life to make their day more positive and fun too.
Funny Quote of the Day for Positive Vibes and Laughs
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”
– Dave Barry
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
– Dalai Lama
“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”
– Cullen Hightower
“You can always tell when a man’s well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”
– Will Rogers
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.”
– Ethel Barrymore
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
– George Carlin
“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”
– Jay Leno
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
– Zig Ziglar
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
– Charlie Chaplin
“A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.”
– Denis Waitley
“Laughter rises out of tragedy, when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.”
– Erma Bombeck
“I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
– Mark Twain
“Never follow anyone else’s path. Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. Then by all means follow that path.”
– Ellen DeGeneres
“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”
– William James
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”
– Dale Carnegie
“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
– Miles Kington
“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”
– Greenville Kleisser
“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”
– E. B. White
“I have noticed that even people who claim everything is predetermined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
– Stephen Hawking
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
– Abraham Lincoln
“Friends are people who know you really well and like you anyway.”
– Greg Tamblyn
“I wrote a few children’s books… not on purpose.”
– Steven Wright
“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
– Spike Milligan
“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.”
– Mae West
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
– Bill Watterson
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
– Groucho Marx
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”
– Mitch Hedberg
“Trouble knocked at the door, but, hearing laughter, hurried away.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
– Winston Churchill
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”
– Sir Norman Wisdom
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
– Erma Bombeck
“I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.”
– Unknown
“Thank you, 2:30 in the morning, for always being the first sign that tomorrow’s gonna suck.”
– Jimmy Fallon
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
– Linda Grayson
Funny Quote of the Day for the Workplace
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
– George Carlin
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”
– Edgar Bergen
“No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.”
– Groucho Marx
“If I had known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.”
– Mickey Mantle
“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”
– Samuel Goldwyn
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”
– Oscar Wilde
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.”
– Joe Girard
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”
– Albert Einstein
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.”
– Mark Twain
“Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn’t the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.”
– Robert Benchley
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
– Charles Lamb
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
– Steven Wright
“Formula for success: rise early, work hard, strike oil.”
– J. Paul Getty
“The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.”
– Kin Hubbard
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.”
– Will Rogers
“I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.”
– Steven Wright
“The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.”
– John Maynard Keynes
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”
– Robert Frost
“Whoever established the high road and how high it should be should be fired.”
– Sandra Bullock
“The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.”
– Scott Adams
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.”
– Albert Grant
“People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.”
– Isaac Asimov
“I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
– Jerome K. Jerome
“I never forget a face – but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
– Groucho Marx
“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.”
– Lana Turner
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.”
– A. A. Milne
“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.”
– Lily Tomlin
Funny Quotes of the Day For When You’re Just Sad and Tired
“Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.”
– George Carlin
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
– Will Rogers
“Every time you feel yourself being pulled into other people’s drama, repeat these word: Not my circus, not my monkeys.”
– Polish Proverb
“Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.”
– Abraham Lincoln
“If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.”
– Steven Wright
“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”
– Tina Fey
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
– Will Rogers
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”
– Chris Rock
“The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.”
– Tom Clancy
“You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”
– Solomon Schechter
“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.”
– W. C. Fields
“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’”
– Sydney J. Harris
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
– Jack Handey
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
– Erma Bombeck
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
– Steven Wright
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
– Elbert Hubbard
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
– Calvin Coolidge
“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
– Francois de La Rochefoucauld
“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”
– Socrates
“Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.”
– Chris Rock
“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
– Helen Rowland
“I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire.”
– Roy Orbison
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.”
– Sam Ewing
“From the ages of eight to 18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
– Jarod Kintz
“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.”
– Graham Norton
“The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”
– Al McGuire
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of peoples vacations was considered a punishment.”
– Betty White
“Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2000 of something.”
– Mitch Hedberg
“Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results.”
– Albert Einstein
Funny Quote of the Day for Kids
“When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.”
– Bill Watterson
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant
“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
– Steven Wright
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.”
– Jackie Mason
“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”
– Ace Ventura (from the movie Ace Ventura: Pet Detective)
“Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.”
– Bill Murray
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
– Demetri Martin
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
– Unknown
“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.”
– Will Rogers
“My nickname is ‘Mom’, but my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom’.”
– Unknown
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”
– Mark Twain
“Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
– Steve Martin
“Anyone who tells you money can’t buy happiness never had any.”
– Samuel L. Jackson
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
– Emo Philips
“It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.”
– Jerry Seinfeld
“What the world needs is more geniuses with humility; there are so few of us left.”
– Oscar Levant
“I thought talk was cheap until I saw our telephone bill.”
– Henny Youngman
Funny Quote of the Day About Love and Relationships
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
– Rita Rudner
“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”
– Abraham Lincoln
“If you want your children to listen, try talking softly to someone else.”
– Ann Landers
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
– Will Ferrell
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”
– Albert Einstein
“Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.”
– Pauline Thomason
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt
“Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.”
– Jerry Seinfeld
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
– Charles Schulz
“When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his first name was Always.”
– Rita Rudner
“I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”
– Terry Pratchett
“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you will be happy. If you get a bad one, you will be a philosopher.”
– Socrates
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
– Henny Youngman
“Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.”
– Francois de La Rochefoucauld
“Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?”
– Phyllis Diller
“My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
“I’ve been married to a communist and a fascist, and neither would take out the garbage.”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”
– Ogden Nash
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.”
– Mae West
“Remember, your wife is always right. Even when you think she’s wrong, she’s still right.”
– Ike Barinholtz
“According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man’s best friend is his dog.”
– Jay Leno
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
– Nora Ephron
“I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”
– Henny Youngman
“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”
– Groucho Marx
“My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.”
– Halley Reed (from the movie Crimes and Misdemeanors)
“Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?”
– John Barrymore
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.”
– Phyllis Diller
“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house.”
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
– Buddy Hackett
“Save a boyfriend for a rainy day – and another, in case it doesn’t rain.”
– Mae West
Short Funny Quotes of the Day
“I’m not for everyone. I’m barely for me.”
– Marc Maron
“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
– Steven Wright
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.”
– Henny Youngman
“He knows nothing; he thinks he knows everything – that clearly points to a political career.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
– George Burns
“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
– Josh Billings
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.”
– Charles M. Schulz
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.”
– Zach Galifianakis
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”
– Steven Wright
“Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.”
– Lt. Frank Drebin (from the Naked Gun movies)
“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
– Groucho Marx
“Sickos don’t scare me. At least they’re committed.”
– Michelle Pfeiffer
“I drink to make other people more interesting.”
– Ernest Hemingway
“It could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant
“My ability to remember song lyrics from the 80s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the kitchen.”
– Unknown
“Always forgive your enemies – nothing annoys them so much.”
– Oscar Wilde
“Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.”
– James A. Garfield
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.”
– Jim Carrey
“If any of you cry at my funeral I’ll never speak to you again.”
– Stan Laurel
“The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.”
– Unknown
“Don’t be so humble – you are not that great.”
– Golda Meir
“If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.”
– George Burns
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
– Anthony Burgess
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.”
– Billy Wilder
“You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.”
– Jim Carrey
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
– Steve Martin
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
“I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.”
– Les Dawson
“Women are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.”
– James Thurber
“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
– George Burns
“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”
– Spike Milligan
“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
– Ashleigh Brilliant
“When in doubt, look intelligent.”
– Garrison Keillor
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
– Joan Rivers
“I don’t believe in astrology; I’m a Sagittarius and we’re skeptical.”
– Arthur C. Clarke
“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
– Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
– Groucho Marx
Want more laughs and uplifting inspiration for your day? Then check out these short funny quotes, the inspirational quotes of the day here, these funny good morning quotes, the hilarious work quotes in this post plus the funny teamwork quotes here.