You have your reasons not to get married right now — if ever.
And it’s not as though you need to be married to be whole or happy.
Maybe you’re at the point where you can say it out loud: “I don’t want to get married.”
But the question remains at the back of your mind: “Will I change my mind and get married?”
After all, plenty of married people you know seem happy (or happy-ish).
But all you see are the reasons why you shouldn’t get married.
And some of those are bound to be in the list below.
Is It Normal to Not Want to Get Married?
According to a National Marriage Project study, an increasing number of young adults consider marriage something to pursue only after achieving their life goals.
Even among older couples aged 50 and up, more of them are deciding to live together as committed but unmarried partners — for personal and financial reasons.
So, if you’re tired of being cornered and harassed for still being single, but you’d honestly rather stay that way, do yourself and the world a favor, and don’t get married.
You’ll be happier, and you’ll do more good if you listen to that inner voice and choose the life you really want. It doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
32 Signs You Will Never Get Married
Whatever your reasons for avoiding marriage, the following signs can help you identify and own them.
There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t want to get married. You don’t owe anyone a ring or a grandchild. But you do owe yourself the truth.
1. You don’t really believe in marriage.
You believe in love, and you want that in your life. But marriage is something completely separate in your mind.
You don’t look at a loving unmarried couple and think, “Awww! I hope they get married.” Because, in your view, marriage would do either of them any good.
2. You’ve never fallen in love, nor do you expect to.
Sure, maybe one of your friends is convinced it’ll happen to you, “one of these days.”
But if you’ve never had more than a fleeting crush on someone, it’s possible you’re just not wired that way. And you’re not inclined to marry just to avoid being alone.
3. You don’t even like weddings.
Weddings as a whole seem far more expensive than they’re worth. You’re not opposed to public expressing of love.
But, from what you’ve seen, the extra hassle and expense of a wedding do nothing to guarantee a better outcome for the relationship. It’s just theater.
4. You hate the very idea of planning a wedding.
You don’t dream about your “perfect wedding” because you don’t really want one.
They just seem like a lot of hassle and expense just to say, “Hey, we’re together!” All the details that go into a wedding sound like a huge, expensive headache you’d rather avoid.
5. You don’t like being the center of attention.
If any vows are to be exchanged, you’d rather voice them privately with your partner as the only witness.
His or her attention is the only attention you want for that kind of conversation, anyway. It’s no one else’s business.
So, why proclaim it from an expensive and very public stage? The people whose opinions matter already know your love is real.
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6. You don’t want the stress that goes with married life.
Everything you’ve heard and read about marriage boils down to two words for you: unrelenting stress.
Even in good times, it seems married couples around you are gritting their teeth, unable to relax completely.
Because when they do, BOOM! Disaster.
7. You don’t feel a need to prove your love and commitment with a binding contract.
You look at couples like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn and Oprah and Stedman and think, “Well, they never got married, and they seem happier than a lot of married people I know.”
They’re doing what (clearly) works for them, and you admire that.
8. You take trust issues to a new level.
You’re not afraid to admit you find it hard to trust people, even those who’ve been there for you when you needed them most.
You still don’t trust people enough to let them in. Your lack of trust will sabotage any relationship. And with marriage, the stakes are higher.
9. To be honest, you’ve never wanted to get married.
This feeling isn’t something you decided in a drunk text or after witnessing a messy divorce.
You’ve never looked at a married couple and thought, “Aww! I want what they have!” no matter how happy they looked.
Your involuntary response is usually a wince and word, “Nope,” flashing in your head.
10. You’re not a traditional or religious person.
And you’ve no interest in choosing a traditional path. Nor do you have a religious belief that marriage is a must if you want an intimate relationship.
You don’t have a problem with others pursuing marriage, but you don’t see their commitment to each other as superior to that of a committed unmarried couple. The love is what counts.
You’ll pave your own path, and an official marriage certificate and ceremony won’t be part of that.
11. You’ve seen the drawbacks of marriage, and you want none of it.
As far as you can tell — maybe from witnessing your parents’ marriage — the price of marriage is too high.
Or at least it’s higher than you’re willing to pay. You’ve heard the list of woes from your married friends and relatives, and you’d just as soon do without.
12. You see what marriage has done to someone you care about.
All you see is their suffering. And after witnessing what they’ve gone through with their marriage, you’re in no hurry to experience it yourself.
So, as soon as a partner brings up the “m-word,” you’re ready and willing to argue against it (though you’d rather not have to).
13.You get angry at the very thought of having to change your name.
Granted, the fact you don’t want to change your name doesn’t mean you’ll never get married.
But if the first thing you object to about marriage is the connected tradition of taking your husband’s name, it’s worth considering whether you have other reasons to avoid marriage.
14. You don’t believe in monogamy.
Maybe you’re fine with dating one person at a time (or maybe not), but the idea of committing to one person for the rest of your life seems unnatural to you.
You don’t see how it could lead to anything but divorce and all the pain and suffering that go with that. No, thanks.
15. You love your independence.
You’re an independent soul who loves having your free time for yourself. You don’t need help paying the bills, reaching your goals, or saving for your retirement.
You like doing your own thing without having to worry about someone at home, wondering where you are and what you’re doing without them.
Marriage would mean giving that up.
16. You like your life just the way it is.
Everything in your life is just the way you like it. And you know, from the testimony of your married friends and relatives, that marriage would change many of the things you love about your life.
And you’ve yet to meet anyone whose company is worth giving those up.
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17. You don’t believe marriage would improve your relationship.
Your relationship is beautiful, just as it is. And you don’t see how marriage would improve it.
If you need a ceremony and official paperwork to keep them from leaving, then your relationship isn’t what it seems, anyway.
You’re plenty invested without dragging legal matters into the arrangement.
18. You have doubts you’ll ever find the one.
Maybe you want to get married, but past experience has shown you that the right person has yet to cross your path.
And you wonder if he or she ever will.
The older you get, the more you think that marriage just isn’t in the cards for you, and perhaps you’ve given up on the idea because it hurts too much to keep trying, only to have the relationship fizzle out.
19. You’re married to your career or lifestyle.
When people ask, “When are you going to get married?” your answer (even if it’s only in your head) is “I already am — to my work.”
And no partner has ever been able to compete with it, as past relationships have proven. Your career is the love of your life.
20. Your chosen lifestyle or career is not family-friendly.
It’s a life tailor-made for someone single and unattached. That’s you all over. You can still enjoy the company of friends and family now and then.
But no marriage could withstand the kind of life you’ve chosen for yourself. And forget about putting children through that.
21. You don’t need marriage or a committed partner to be happy.
You’re content as a single person with friends and family.
It might be fun sometimes to spend time with a love interest, but the flirtation doesn’t last long.
Being in a long-term, committed relationship isn’t on your priority list because you don’t feel a need for one.
22. You’re tempted to settle.
Maybe you think your current partner is as close as you’re likely to get to the kind of person you’ve been looking for.
So, you think, “I’d better lock this down and show them I’m serious, or they’ll leave me for someone else.” Insecurity is a terrible reason to get married.
23. You’d rather spend your money and time on things you want.
You worked hard for your money, and you’re not about to let a romantic partner spend it frivolously or tell you how you should spend it.
You earned that money for your purposes. Some people are fine with letting their spouses handle the “family finances,” but not you.
24.You never wanted kids and haven’t found a partner who agrees.
You wouldn’t mind getting married if you could find someone who shares your desire not to have children.
You have your reasons for not wanting them, and you don’t intend to change.
So far, you haven’t had a serious relationship with someone who doesn’t want to keep the possibility open. And you’re beginning to doubt you ever will.
25. You and your partner are always fighting.
The fighting might calm down a bit during the excitement of planning a wedding, the thrill of the “big day,” and the bliss of your honeymoon.
But it won’t be long before you’re once again embroiled in an argument. Getting married doesn’t improve a relationship; it just provides a temporary distraction.
26. You don’t want to be someone’s burden.
The idea of being anyone’s burden disgusts you. You won’t enter into any arrangement that could lead to that.
You’d want your partner to have visitation rights if you were seriously ill or in a coma — but not to be bound to you for life if you couldn’t be what you wanted to be for them.
27. You don’t want to be someone’s meal ticket, either.
In the same vein, you don’t want someone else using you to have the lifestyle they want — at your expense.
You see marriage as a trap for those who are doing well for themselves because there will always be those willing to lure you into an arrangement that only benefits them.
You’d just as soon avoid marriage altogether.
28. You’re not comfortable with change or compromise.
Your best friend gave up his snowmobile because his fiancée worried every time he went riding on it, and she convinced him to sell it.
You like your life and your things too much to let a romantic partner talk you into giving it up for their benefit.
You’re not interested in compromise, and you’d rather avoid dealing with the changes marriage would bring.
29. You’re in a long-term relationship, and he/she doesn’t want to marry.
You’ve been with the same partner for years (how many has it been now?), and he or she doesn’t want to get married.
You two have talked about it ad nauseam, and even though you want to marry, you’ve decided you want this person in your life even more.
So no marriage for you as long as the two of you are together.
30. You want to avoid taking on more debt (yours or someone else’s).
You’re working on paying down your own debt. Why would you want to take on someone else’s?
You expect your romantic partner to work as hard as you do to earn and manage their own money; their debt is their business.
You don’t want to make it yours any more than you’d want to share your debt burden with anyone else.
31. You like being alone.
You love your solitude more than the average person. You like people, but you’re less enthused about the idea of living with one.
Think of all the compromises. And dirty laundry. And other things. You’ve got enough on your plate as it is. And you don’t feel sad at the prospect of returning to an empty home.
Quite the contrary.
32. A Lifetime Commitment Seems Daunting
You are probably happy being in a committed relationship. However, the thought of being saddled with someone for life makes you uneasy.
You really don’t want to be tied down to one person forever, and you fear that if you get married, you’ll be stuck with them even if things don’t work out.
You prefer the idea of being able to walk away or have more freedom in your relationship than a traditional marriage would allow.
Coping with Societal Norms About Marriage
Marriage is an integral part of many societies. Unfortunately, these societies have created some very restrictive societal norms that often dictate when one should get married, who one should marry, and what roles each partner should take in the marriage.
While these norms often vary from culture to culture, they can still be restrictive and create unnecessary pressure, particularly for those who do not fit the mold or have different preferences.
Here are tips to help you cope with these societal norms about marriage:
- Acknowledge your feelings: Feeling overwhelmed and stressed about social expectations is normal, so take the time to explore your feelings and emotions.
- Find a support system: Having a supportive network of family, friends, and/or professionals can be incredibly helpful when dealing with societal norms. Talking to those close to you can help reduce the sense of isolation and provide much-needed encouragement.
- Set your own goals: Don’t let societal norms dictate the timeline of your life. Make sure to prioritize what is important to you and set goals accordingly.
- Educate yourself: Learn about different marriage traditions and practices from around the world. This can help you to better understand different perspectives on marriage and create a more inclusive understanding of the institution.
- Speak up: Don’t be afraid to express your opinion and challenge restrictive societal norms. Being vocal in conversations can allow you to help shape a more inclusive and accepting attitude toward alternative lifestyles.
What are the Advantages of Not Getting Married?
With all the hype about the benefits of getting married, it’s only fair to shed some light on the benefits of being single.
This is just a sampling:
- You have more time to yourself and can choose to spend it as you like.
- You don’t have to constantly say no to friends who’d like to spend time with you.
- You’re in charge of your own income, living space, transportation, etc.
- If the relationship isn’t working, it’s easier to move on when you’re single.
- You’ll save money on the costs of a wedding and raising children (unless you have them as a single parent).
If any of the signs in this post have resonated with you, you can probably think of others.
As long as being single benefits you (and your loved ones) more than marriage would, it only makes sense to stay that way.
If you want to be married but worry it’s not in the cards for you, don’t give up hope or decide your past experiences determine your future.
With so many dating apps, matchmaking coaches, and other opportunities for meeting new people available, you can find your love match if you keep trying.