On Friday night, mere minutes after the New York Knicks wiped the floor with the Philadelphia 76ers in the NBA Playoffs, Bill Maher kicked off his latest “Real Time” monologue by wading into the murky waters of Blake Lively v. Justin Baldoni.
Yes, just before the case was set to go to trial, the two sworn enemies reached a settlement in their lengthy legal battle over the making of the weepy hit “It Ends with Us,” with Lively accusing Baldoni of sexual harassment and Baldoni countering with claims of defamation. There was no money exchanged, but Lively can still go after Baldoni for her substantial attorney fees.
“I know why you’re happy,” exclaimed Maher at the start of his HBO show. “Great news. Peace at last. We have an agreement. A deal. A peace deal — not the Iran War, Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni. That’s who I’m talking about.”
“Oh, man. We’ve been reading about this for like a year it went on,” he continued. “All this arguing and suing, and it turns out: no settlement money at all. And all over a movie called ‘It Ends with Us’ that everyone hated? Did you see that movie? It was harder to get through than the Strait of Hormuz.”
Ba-dum-tsh!
The comedian also addressed the news of Jeffrey Epstein’s purported suicide note, which was released this week by a federal judge. The note — which is unverified — was supposedly written in July 2019, a few weeks before Epstein was found dead in his cell at Manhattan’s Metropolitan Correctional Center. Epstein’s alleged note ends with the line, “Whatcha want me to do — Bust out cryin!!” — a bizarre nod to “The Little Rascals.”
“Speaking of killing, apparently they found Jeffrey Epstein’s suicide note,” said Maher. “Apparently, it was from the guy — his cellmate — who Epstein says tried to kill him, but he’s the guy who found the note. And it says, ‘They investigated me’ — and then in all caps, it says, ‘FOUND NOTHING!!!’ Who does that sound like? I can’t quite place it…”
Maher was clearly implying that the note sounds an awful lot like one of Epstein’s closest pals, President Donald Trump.
The comic then cracked: “No, I’m not suspicious, but the note does end with, ‘Thank you for your attention to this matter!’”