NEW YORK (AP) — Talking about beauty can get really ugly — particularly when it comes to public figures.
In an increasingly connected world, there’s no shortage of hot takes and judgment. That is evident yet again in recent days in the wake of a new music video from singer Ariana Grande and the release last week of her new album, “Petal,” which reignited commentary about her thin appearance.
It also raised the question: Just because we can say anything, does that mean we should? Some saw yet more body-shaming being aimed, no surprise, at a woman in a society that constantly judges them; others said it was simply concern. Some called for respecting her privacy, while others said the influence of celebrities on young fans made it a valid topic.
Grande, 33, has faced attention and commentary throughout her career around her appearance, with the current focus being on the increasing visibility of her body’s bone structure, including her sternum and rib cage.
She has pushed back against discourse that she’s anything other than healthy, and repeatedly insisted that she doesn’t think commenting on people’s bodies is acceptable. Her representative told People magazine that she would be stepping back from public life after her current tour finishes due to the “endless, ongoing public scrutiny.”
Even in the video, a nearly seven-minute indictment of the harsh process of assessment and judgment that leads to fame and celebrity, Grande hits on the subject of being constantly sized up. “I don’t need someone to save me,” she sings. “I’m not a victim.”
The way we talk in situations about body image matters because the impact can transcend a one-off comment or snap judgment about celebrities we’ll never meet, says Johanna Kandel, founder and CEO of the National Alliance for Eating Disorders.
“I would just check our intentions behind it,” Kandel said. “What is the purpose of it? … What is the intent versus the impact of it?”
Judging famous women by appearances is nothing new
Aggressive scrutiny of people in the spotlight is nothing new, nor is the reality that women’s appearances are heavily judged — even though the past decade has brought concerted efforts to promote ideas of body acceptance at all sizes.
These days, effective weight loss-inducing medications — their use driven by celebrities — have joined the larger cultural conversation. They’re shifting the ground once again around ideas of thinness, beauty and health, with some concerned that a slew of images of noticeably skinnier famous faces could have a troubling impact on those struggling with body image issues or eating disorders.
Judgment and criticism on one side, coupled with calls to stop saying anything about Grande’s body on the other, can make nuanced conversations about beauty and health difficult, says Allison Butler, a senior lecturer in communication at University of Massachusetts, Amherst.
“We limit both the complexity of the folks that we are directing our attention to, as well as our own complex understandings of ourselves,” said Butler, author of “The Judgment of Gender: How Women are Centered and Silenced in Pop Culture.”
Fundamentally, many experts say, it’s no one’s place to pass judgment on someone’s body, celebrity or otherwise.
“With celebrities, I encourage people to resist the urge to speculate altogether. Public conversations about celebrity bodies often reinforce the idea that our bodies are open for public discussion, and that’s a message young people are listening to,” Rachel Goldman, a psychologist and clinical assistant professor at NYU’s Grossman School of Medicine, said via email.
“We also have to remember that comments about someone’s appearance (whether they’re meant as compliments or criticisms) can reinforce the idea that our value is tied to how we look,” she said.
That doesn’t mean ignoring the reality that people struggle with disordered eating in varied ways. Kandel references her own experience.
“When I was first approached about my eating disorder, it was (from) a place of concern, but it was like, ”You look like Skeletor,’” she said, and not “’Hey, what’s going on? I’m really worried about you.’”
To Kandel, ignoring such issues is less effective than thinking hard about how we address them. “It can’t be a conversation that we evade,” she said, “but it’s more of bringing it to the curiosity and the compassion as opposed to the criticism.”
It can be difficult to talk to children about these issues
For parents talking with children, Goldman suggests shifting the conversation away from judging bodies to talking about the messages society is sending. Also crucial: reminding them that appearance isn’t an indicator of health and well-being.
“Ultimately, we want young people to understand that their body is just one part of who they are. Their worth isn’t determined by their size or shape, and neither is anyone else’s,” she said.
That’s what Jennifer Hill tries to do. The 56-year-old pediatric nurse from Broomall, Pennsylvania, says her 16-year-old daughter, a cheerleader and runner, hates when she gets comments on her body.
“I will talk to her and if someone has mentioned something to her, I’m like, ‘You know what? Everybody’s different, everybody’s born different, their bodies are created different,’” Hill said.
Though she says things have improved since her youth in the 1980s, when she recalls people being unafraid to offer the harshest comments, she still sees it as a struggle. Plus, she said, social media has added pressure. She also sees it in her work life, where she has worked with young people with emotional struggles or eating disorders. Her advice: Listen.
“You don’t want to come out and say, ‘You know, you’re really overweight,’” she said. “You have to tread lightly.”
It’s about guiding them and their thinking, not just telling them what to do, Hill said. “Communication is key … I think having open conversation and letting them do a lot of the talking and not so much you.”
As for Grande, she spoke to fans in recent days, making a statement from the stage Monday night that she read from her phone. She said she knows fans are worried that “negativity was ruining things” for her, but said the opposite is true.
“Multiple things can be true at the same time. Boundaries need to be set,” she said. “Human beings can need a break sometimes. And also, this can be and will continue to be the greatest experience of my professional and creative life.”
Her fans — many of them young women — erupted in cheers.
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If you or someone you know have body image or eating concerns, the National Alliance for Eating Disorders has a helpline at (866) 662-1235. It is available Monday through Friday, from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. EST.