The Daily Caller defeated the Daily Caller News Foundation not once, but twice, in the two companies’ annual football matchup Saturday.
Led by Editor-in-Chief Geoffrey Ingersoll, the for-profiteers took game one by a score of 7-4 (one point per touchdown) before reigning victorious once again in the rematch 7-5. Like with traffic, profit margin and notoriety, the Foundation was once again outmatched by their counterparts.
The squad got off to a shaky start in game one, as Ingersoll tossed two interceptions on their two opening drives to give Foundation the upper hand. Once the EIC made a quick audible to the West Coast offense, though, the Profiteers were off and running.
Geoffrey Ingersoll in football uniform. (Daily Caller)
Deputy News Editor Dylan Housman settled the team in with two catches on their third drive, the second breaking the scoring seal for a touchdown. It was one of two touchdowns he scored in game 1, before taking over at quarterback for game 2, in which he tossed seven touchdown passes versus just one interception. The Foundation secondary was unable to keep up with the deep ball connection Housman formed with his receivers, resulting in the worst long-range firebombing since Tokyo.
Dylan Housman in football uniform. (Daily Caller)
Breaking News Editor John “White Randy Moss” Loftus once again showed out for an MVP-worthy performance, nabbing multiple touchdowns in both games including the game-winner in the second matchup. A sliding grab he made across the middle of the field was one of the plays of the day. White men may not be able to jump, but they are able to separate from press coverage against interns.
John “White Randy Moss” Loftus. (Daily Caller)
Fact-Checker Elias Atienza was solid as ever, coming down with multiple touchdown catches from the tight end position. Editor and Tradcon Opinion Columnist Grayson Quay snared a touchdown as well and provided a tall redzone target for the Profiteers. Defensively, Congressional Correspondent Michael Ginsberg hawked two interceptions despite tossing one right back as he killed the patented “Scoops Flicker” play forever. Reporter James Lynch and Editor Luis “Hispanic Titanic, The Ship Not The Submersible” Ramirez chipped in lockdown defense too.
Michael Ginsberg in football uniform. (Daily Caller)
Foundation got a few notable performances from Deputy Editor Ailan Evans, Editor Graham Dudley, Politics Reporting Fellow Arjun Singh and Education Senior Reporting Fellow Reagan Reese, but were ultimately unable to overcome some of the worst quarterback play the Caller football game has ever seen. By this journalist’s recollection, Evans, Intern Aaron Life and Editor-in-Chief Michael Bastasch all tried their hand under center, but the incompetence blended together as their chances of winning sank faster than Stockton Rush.
When it comes to making money for Neil Patel, owning politicians and dominating football games, the Daily Caller remains undefeated versus the non-profiteers.