In my four-plus decades as a psychologist, I’m humbled by the remarkable resiliency that I’ve seen arise in the human spirit. Even when people feel they’ve hit rock-bottom, they can mine their hidden stores of resilience and find their way to a better future.
Here are three stories that illustrate this astounding human capacity.
Brianna
Brianna was not supposed to live. The fallout from the car accident included a severed aortic valve, a collapsed lung, four broken ribs and several crushed vertebrae. Three surgeries and two months of inpatient hospitalization was only the beginning of her recovery. At 19, Brianna needed to learn to walk all over again.
Rehab was painful, exhausting, and at times humiliating. It had been years since she required assistance to tie her shoes or wipe her bottom, and this time around no one celebrated her transition from diapers to toilet with cupcakes.
At times, she remembers thinking self-piteous thoughts that she never told anyone: “Why did I have to live while he (the driver of the other vehicle) was lucky enough to die? It was his fault, so why was I punished while he escaped immediately?” Other days, Brianna just wanted to quit. She practiced the speech she was going to give her family, thanking them for their efforts but reminding them that it was her life to live, and it was not worth this type of pain and humiliation. She wanted to admit defeat. Anyone would in my condition, she figured. Besides, even if she could eventually walk, the doctors said it would probably always necessitate a walker. She had a mind to tell them where they could stick their suggestion of a wheelchair.
Frank
Frank was told he was an excellent candidate for tech school because he “lacked the smarts” for a four-year college. His high school guidance counselor told him, “College resources are scarce. Why don’t we use them on someone who’s more college material? There will always be a job for a guy like you, Frank, but let’s be real – you’re a blue-collar guy. Expect to use a shovel, not a computer.”
The blow from this message of that he wasn’t perceived as intelligent reverberated in his head for years.
Michael
Michael had an anxiety disorder that prompted his primary care physician to prescribe the benzodiazepine drug, Xanax, to keep him functioning. He was allowed three 1-milligram tablets per day — essentially, 90 pills per month. What his doctor didn’t know was that Michael would use all 90 pills in the first two days of the month, launching incredible highs for him and resulting in alcohol binges, petty theft, purchases of opioids, and even crack cocaine.
Michael could tell me of his exploits but, because of confidentiality, I couldn’t share this with his physician. I encouraged rehab for him time and again, and sometimes literally prayed that he would make it alive for his next appointment with me.
Resilience
Psychologists understand that resilience (the ability to bounce back from life’s challenges) is vital for humans to navigate a successful 80-some-year journey on Planet Earth. Resiliency doesn’t excuse anyone from hardships such as trauma, loss, or addiction, but it enables us to persevere, survive, and in many cases, flourish instead of waving the white towel of defeat.
What’s more, we now understand that there are characteristics of resilience that can be identified and measured in people. We’ve labeled these characteristics “the seven C’s of resilience.” They include:
- Competence
- Courage
- Character
- Coping
- Connection
- Control
- Contribution
A lengthy breakdown of these characteristics isn’t possible in this short article, but here’s the take-home: resilience can be taught. And it’s important to teach it to our children. Since we already know that they’ll be subjected to and challenged by life’s sometimes cruel plot twists, why not provide them with the necessary skills to navigate the challenges and persevere? Or, in the immortal words of the old Timex commercial, “Take a licking and keep on ticking.”
In the cases of the three individuals I introduced earlier, here are some updates:
Brianna
Brianna was inspired by an occupational therapist and now, a college graduate, zooms around a busy restaurant as a server. That’s at least until she completes her master’s degree in occupational therapy, where she aims to make a difference in the lives of others who are fortunate enough to meet Brianna after some debilitating misfortune. “No one gives up the fight to recover when I’m on their team – not if I can help it!” she asserts.
Frank
Frank was too stubborn to listen to his guidance counselor and decided to try out college anyway. He earned three college degrees, including a master’s degree in architecture science, and taught as a professor at the university level for more than 20 years. His favorite students, needless to say, were the ones who needed a little encouragement and someone to believe in them. It became his mission to be the guidance counselor that he never had.
Michael
And Michael? Michael entered rehab, put away the dangerous drugs, and learned how to champion his anxiety. He now works as a plumber — honest, hard-working, and talented. He’s always smiling and feels grateful to have been able to trade in his crack pipes for bathroom pipes.
Michael lost his house in hurricane Ian. To him, it was a hindrance but not a disaster. That’s because Michael already has a wealth of resiliency skills to call upon and he’s grateful to have parents he can move in with temporarily while his house is being rebuilt. Home cooked meals and laundry services are all included, at no charge.
Author Bio
Dr. Christopher Cortman has facilitated over 80,000 hours of psychotherapy during his distinguished career spanning more than four decades. A Florida Licensed Psychologist since 1985, he maintains a thriving private practice while specializing in emotional trauma and anxiety disorders. He’s appeared nationwide on talk radio and television.
The acclaimed author of four previous books, his new book, The Guided Imagery Cure: The Best Proven Methods for Quickly Resolving and Healing Trauma, describes a profoundly impactful tool for addressing trauma, grief, and more. Learn more at srqshrink.com.