The new book, which hit bookshelves on May 19, offers a raw look at the highs and lows of her life and career, including her daughter’s traumatic birth.
The Scream actress welcomed her child, Kaya Evdokia Klitschko, with ex-fiancé, boxer Wladimir Klitschko, on December 9, 2014. In the memoir, she writes about the traumatic childbirth experience that later spiraled into alcoholism.
“I labored with Kaya for 14 hours and was in surgery for three hours after she was born,” she pens, per an excerpt shared by The Cut. “My blood wouldn’t clot during my C-section, so doctors had to close the blood vessels in my uterus to prevent me from bleeding out. I had seven transfusions and ran a fever the entire time. My uterus had become infected, and the antibiotics I’d been given during labor hadn’t been strong enough to lower my temperature.”
Panettiere remembers waking up in the recovery room feeling “exhausted, disoriented, and racked with pain.”
After giving birth to Kaya, she says she struggled to feel an immediate connection with her daughter, who reportedly “seemed like someone else’s baby.”
“I had always heard that mothers feel an instant rush of love the moment they lay their eyes on their baby, but I felt nothing,” she adds. “Kaya was just there, and now I had to figure out how to bond with her. It felt like an insurmountable task, and I was only on the first day.”