Tuesday is an odd day. Just before hump day and still far away from the promise of Friday.
It’s a day when it’s easy to feel stuck or tired, especially if Monday was a bit draining.
So to help you out I thought I’d share 100 of the most positive, stress relieving and funny Tuesday quotes.
I hope you’ll find something here that makes it a bit easier to get out of bed, to brighten your work day and to help you to keep moving towards the weekend.
Funny Tuesday Quotes for Work and Less Stress
“Tuesday isn’t so bad. It’s a sign that I’ve somehow survived Monday.”
– Unknown
“Thinking about happy times on a Tuesday is like going to the beach when there is no Sun.”
– Alain Bremond-Torrent
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”
– Bill Gates
“No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.”
– Groucho Marx
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work. He can’t eat for eight hours; he can’t drink for eight hours; he can’t make love for eight hours. The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.”
– William Faulkner
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.”
– John Gotti
“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.”
– Robert Frost
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
– George Carlin
“If you had to identify in one word the reason why the human race has not achieved and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’”
– Dave Barry
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.”
– Drew Carey
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”
– Edgar Bergen
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.”
– Jerome K. Jerome
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.”
– Claude McDonald
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”
– Charles Lamb
“Time is an illusion. Lunchtime is doubly so.”
– Douglas Adams
“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”
– Douglas Adams
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”
– Robert Frost
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.”
– Rita Rudner
“There is something about an early Tuesday morning that makes me productive.”
– Tahnni Dupre
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.”
– Sarah Cooper
“I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.”
– Unknown
“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
– Henry Kissinger
Funny Good Morning Tuesday Quotes to Start Your Day Right
“What irritates me most of all about these morning people is their horribly good temper, as if they have been up for three hours and already conquered France.”
– Timur Vermes
“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.”
– Glen Cook
“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Keep the dream alive: Hit the snooze button.”
– Punit Ghadge
“The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
– Dorothy Parker
“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.”
– Lewis Black
“There should be a rule against people trying to be funny before the sun comes up.”
– Kristen Chandler
“I hate mornings, they start so early.”
– Janet Evanovich
“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.”
– James Marsden
“Birds scream at the top of their lungs in horrified hellish rage every morning at daybreak to warn us all of the truth, but sadly we don’t speak bird.”
– Kurt Cobain
“Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.”
– Rachel Caine
“Good morning is a contradiction of terms.”
– Jim Davis
“There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, ‘Good morning, God,’ and the other is to say, ‘Good God, morning!’”
– Fulton J. Sheen
“Every morning is a battle between the superego and the id, and I am a mere foot soldier with mud and a snooze button on her shield.”
– Catherynne Valente
“Love is blind. Especially in the morning, because I can’t see a damn thing before having coffee.”
– Aleksandra Ninkovic
“I’m sorry for people who don’t drink. They wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.”
– Frank Sinatra
“The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible.”
– Jean Kerr
“Moist groaned. It was the crack of seven and he was allergic to the concept of two seven o’clocks in one day.”
– Terry Pratchett
“I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.”
– Jarod Kintz
“Everyone wants me to be a morning person. I could be one, only if morning began after noon.”
– Tony Smite
Hilarious Tuesday Quotes on Life and Struggles
“There is a breed of Tuesday in January in which time creeps, and no light comes, and the air is full of water and nobody really loves anybody.”
– Zadie Smith
“I’d take half an argument over half a silence any day. And I’d take peace and quiet over a full-blown argument any other day unless it’s Tuesday.”
– Will Advise
“Addiction – when you can give up something any time, as long as it’s next Tuesday.”
– Nikki Sixx
“Why does winter feel like one big Tuesday?”
– Todd Stocker
“There isn’t a Monday that would not cede its place to Tuesday.”
– Anton Chekhov
“The Tuesday scowls, the Wednesday growls, the Thursday curses, the Friday howls, the Saturday snores, the Sunday yawns, the Monday morns.”
– Samuel Beckett
“You can’t help respecting anybody who can spell TUESDAY, even if he doesn’t spell it right; but spelling isn’t everything. There are days when spelling Tuesday simply doesn’t count.”
– A. A. Milne
“The days were heavy and sticky. All identical, one the same as the other. Soon they would even get rid of their one remaining distinction, the shell of their names: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday.”
– Ismail Kadaré
“It can’t be Sunday every day. There are also Mondays and Tuesdays.”
– George Weah
“I don’t want it good. I want it Tuesday.”
– Jack L. Warner
“On Tuesday, when it hails and snows, the feeling on me grows and grows, that hardly anybody knows, if those are these or these are those.”
– A. A. Milne
“In my first 100 days, I will make Taco Tuesday the law.”
– George Lopez
“I’m not the kind of actor that would know what my character had for breakfast last Tuesday.”
– Liam Neeson
“Tuesday is neither here nor there in the hierarchy of the week.”
– Anthony T. Hincks
“If each day is a gift, I’d like to know where to return Tuesdays!”
– Jim Harper
Short and Funny Tuesday Quotes
“After Tuesday, even the calendar goes W-T-F.”
– Unknown
“Today’s goals: Coffee and kindness. Maybe two coffees and then kindness.”
– Nanea Hoffman
“Tuesday: a day that rhymes with yawn.”
– Unknown
“Be happy. It really annoys negative people.”
– Ricky Gervais
“Tuesday just called and wants to know what happened to Friday!”
– Neil Leckman
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.”
– Leslie Nielsen
“Progress isn’t made by early risers. It’s made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something.”
– Robert Heinlein
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.”
– Mark Twain
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.”
– Will Rogers
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.”
– Sarah Brown
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.”
– Lily Tomlin
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.”
– Henry Kissinger
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.”
– Groucho Marx
“Tuesday is the most sensible day of the week.”
– Emily P. Freeman
“Never face facts; if you do you’ll never get up in the morning.”
– Marlo Thomas
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.”
– Oscar Wilde
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.”
– Ted Turner
“If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.”
– Noel Coward
Less Funny and a Bit More Motivational Tuesday Quotes
“Tuesday is a good day, you survived Monday. And tomorrow is Wednesday, halfway through your work week!”
– Kate Summers
“Happy Tuesday! Decide what you want. Believe you can have it. Believe you deserve it and believe it’s possible for you.”
– Jack Canfield
“Tuesday is the affirmation that my goals are being moved another step forward.”
– Byron Pulsifer
“Hold onto positive things that elevate your spirit and be with positive people. Happy Tuesday.”
– Tracey Edmonds
“Now that your eyes are open, make the sun jealous with your burning passion to start the day. Make the sun jealous or stay in bed.”
– Malak El Halabi
“You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.”
– James Allen
“We concentrate so much on anniversaries and birthdays that you forget it’s the Tuesday that’s tough that really counts. Sometimes, she just needs some flowers or even just that ear. It’s the little things that count.”
– BJ the Chicago Kid
“Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.”
– Ursula Le Guin
“The first hour of the morning is the rudder of the day.”
– Henry Ward Beecher
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one.”
– Mark Twain
“Either you run the day or the day runs you.”
– Jim Rohn
“Tuesday is the day for action, as mighty Mars rules it. Now you can seek your passion, surge toward your goals, find your destiny, and be strong and courageous.”
– Cerridwen Greenleaf
“Tuesday nights are sushi nights, so we go out then.”
– Al Roker
“Tuesday had always been our day together. Most of my courses with Morrie were on Tuesdays, he had office hours on Tuesdays, and when I wrote my senior thesis, it was on Tuesdays that we sat together. We’re Tuesday people.”
– Mitch Albom
“Do the hard jobs first. The easy jobs will take care of themselves.”
– Dale Carnegie
“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.”
– Robert Louis Stevenson
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
– Maria Robinson
“Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most.”
– Buddha
“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.”
– Napoleon Hill
“One way to keep momentum going is to have constantly greater goals.”
– Michael Korda
“You have to have a dream so you can get up in the morning.”
– Billy Wilder
“Nothing in the world can take the place of perseverance. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost legendary. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Perseverance and determination alone are omnipotent.”
– Calvin Coolidge
“There will be obstacles. There will be doubters. There will be mistakes. But with hard work, there are no limits.”
– Michael Phelps
“Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.”
– Dalai Lama
“Hit the reset button. Whatever happened yesterday, forget about it. Get a new perspective. Today is a new day. Start fresh, begin now.”
– Germany Kent
Want more inspiration and laughs for the rest of your week? Then take a look at these funny Wednesday quotes, the positive Thursday quotes here and the hilarious Friday quotes in this post to get your weekend started right.