Hug it out
It is well known that chronic stress has negative effects on both your mental and physical well-being. Chances of developing hypertension, memory loss, diabetes, depression and anxiety all increase the more stress we carry with us. But did you know it can be inherited by your children?
Prolonged stress and trauma significantly impact the fundamental components of the brain, to the extent that it can alter genes. According to Henry Ford Health, genes that have been modified can be inherited by children, making them more susceptible to and impacted by stress. Consequently, dysfunction can persist in families across generations creating cycles of trauma.
As such, we shape our children – and the world – not only by how we raise children but first and foremost by how we manage and heal ourselves.
“We can love our children, and not be in control of our emotions,” says Lisa Pion-Berlin PhD, CEO of Parents Anonymous. “From health crises to poverty to abuse to any problem faced by families, the underlying emotional issues of the parent have to be addressed so they can care for their children,” she adds.
Where Is Support For Parents?
If public health experts know we cannot separate the well-being of a child from the well-being of a parent or guardian, then it would seem logical that significant financial investments and resources would be made to support parents. Further, we would change the language we use to refer to families that touch our systems.
Sadly we live in a society where most parents are afraid to admit when they’re overwhelmed or vulnerable. Especially minority and indigenous families, who are especially vulnerable to system failures. One wrong step and a family could be torn apart.
Thus, many parents and caregivers keep their struggles to themselves, compounding the daily stress they bring into their homes and relationships. And the consequences are dire. The CDC reports that in 2021 at least one in seven children in the U.S. experienced abuse or neglect.
Admitting you need help, or simply need sleep, while raising children is oftentimes viewed as selfish or failing. However, this is not the case at all. Parents who recognize what exhaustion and anxiety are doing to them and seek out help are ensuring that they can care for themselves to better care for their children. Asking for help shows strength, as well as a commitment to breaking cycles of generational stress within families and communities.
A Government Gamble
Beginning December 31st, 2023 the National Parent Helpline, 1-855-4A-PARENT (1-855-427-2736), will begin operating 24 hours a day, seven days a week thanks in part to a $10 million grant awarded to Parents Anonymous Inc. This one-of-a-kind grant will be spread over five years but is a start in providing emotional support and information through calls, text and chat services. According to the service’s website in addition to meeting parent’s needs, public health, safety and our justice system will all be positively impacted by the expansion of the helpline. It contends that providing parents and caregivers with tools and information will lessen the incidence of child abuse and neglect and, thus, the incidence of juvenile delinquency.
“Parents were the heroes of the pandemic,” Pion-Berlin says. “Everyone else got paid for the work they did, but parents worked around the clock with little to no support. Our helpline was there for those who needed it then, and will be there for even more who need it going forward.” After the successes demonstrated in creating a supportive community where parents could openly discuss difficulties without fear of judgment, arguably preventing child abuse and neglect by offering a safe and confidential space for parents to connect, share experiences and learn effective parenting strategies, the government agreed to join existing partners to grow the service.
But a single grant on its own isn’t going to meet the needs of every caregiver. More partners, advocates and trained experts are needed to answer the calls for help. With more than 73 million children in the United States, the educational and emotional needs of parents and children are wide-ranging. Further, the setbacks from the pandemic financially, emotionally and educationally have amplified the disparities that already existed in services and culturally competent assistance.
Supporting parents on their journey is imperative for us as a nation to raise a generation of children who are safe, healthy and whose needs are met. It’s about prevention and parent leadership to break the cycles of trauma and stress. While a 24/7 helpline and the work of Parents Anonymous can’t get a parent or guardian a job, what they can do is use evidence-based practices to help parents get the emotional and mental health assistance they need to get the job or navigate the difficult situation in front of them. By understanding that many parents are operating from a place of fear or loss and relieving fears that they’re alone, challenges can be overcome. More importantly, families can stay together in healthy, happy homes.
If you are a parent, guardian or caregiver in need of emotional assistance you can call a trained advocate at 1-855-4A-PARENT (1-855-427-2736). Until the start of 2024 when the line will operate 24/7, the helpline can be reached from 8am-10pm Pacific, but messages can be left for a return call.
The future depends on parents. But the work to support them has to be done in the present.