Getting older is inevitable.
I know, at 45 I’m starting to feel it in new and unexpected places a bit too often.
And in today’s post I’d like to share 120 of the most uplifting, positive and funny quotes about aging and getting older.
Ones that will make you laugh, that can help you relieve a bit of stress and you can share with loved ones and co-workers to spread the positive vibes.
Funny Quotes About Aging That Will Make You Laugh
“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
– Helen Rowland
“As you get older, three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.”
– Sir Norman Wisdom
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’”
– Claude Pepper
“I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age, I’m very pleased to be anywhere.”
– George Burns
“I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.”
– Stephen Fry
“The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.”
– Betty White
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
– George Burns
“Age is something that doesn’t matter unless you are a cheese.”
– Luis Bunuel
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
– Lucille Ball
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
– Phyllis Diller
“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you’re aboard, there’s nothing you can do.”
– Golda Meir
“The older I get, the better I used to be.”
– Lee Trevino
“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
– George Burns
“You’re only as old as the woman you feel.”
– Groucho Marx
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.”
– Ellen DeGeneres
“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.”
– Phyllis Diller
“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“You know you’re getting old when everything hurts. And what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.”
– Hy Gardner
“Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.”
– Joey Adams
“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
– Mark Twain
Hilarious Quotes on Aging and Birthdays When You Get Older
“You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
– Bob Hope
“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.”
– Jennifer Yane
“I’ve discovered that the key to aging well is lowering your expectations one birthday at a time.”
– Jim Harper
“I’ve learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.”
– Andy Rooney
“I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me – they’re cramming for their final exam.”
– George Carlin
“There is still no cure for the common birthday.”
– John Glenn
“The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it.”
– Doris Day
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.”
– Larry Lorenzon
“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.”
– Phyllis Diller
“He’s so old that when he orders a three-minute egg, they ask for the money up front.”
– George Burns
“We don’t grow older, we grow riper.”
– Pablo Picasso
“Middle age is when you’re faced with two temptations and you choose the one that will get you home by 9 o’clock.”
– Ronald Reagan
“Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age – as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.”
– Phyllis Diller
“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.”
– Will Rogers
“There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus.”
– Bob Phillips
“After 30, a body has a mind of its own.”
– Bette Midler
“The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.”
– T.S. Eliot
“There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it.”
– Patrick Moore
“At my age, flowers scare me.”
– George Burns
“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.”
– Andy Rooney
“Old age comes at a bad time.”
– San Banducci
“Don’t let aging get you down. It’s too hard to get back up.”
– John Wagner
“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.”
– Agatha Christie
“You may live to be a hundred. But it will be a pain to get all those candles to fit on the cake.”
– Unknown
“There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.”
– P.G. Wodehouse
Funny, Short and Sweet Quotes on Getting Older
“Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.”
– Oliver Wendell Holmes
“The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.”
– Jerry M. Wright
“As we grow older, our bodies get shorter and our anecdotes longer.”
– Robert Quillen
“I guess I don’t so much mind being old, as I mind being fat and old.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“The aging process is not gradual or gentle. It rushes up, pushes you over, and runs off laughing.”
– John Mortimer
“Old age comes on suddenly, and not gradually as is thought.”
– Emily Dickinson
“Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“I don’t want immortality or wealth. I just want to get through the day without my back acting up.”
– Unknown
“Aging seems to be the only available way to live a long life.”
– Kitty O’Neill Collins
“I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror.”
– Cherie Lunghi
“Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs.”
– Charles Dickens
“There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure.”
– Dennis Wolfberg
“I’m 60 years of age. That’s 16 Celsius.”
– George Carlin
“The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.”
– Erma Bombeck
“My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.”
– Rita Rudner
“I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to.”
– Albert Einstein
“Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself.”
– Tom Wilson
“By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.”
– Billy Crystal
Witty Quotes About Aging Gracefully
“Old age isn’t so bad if you consider the alternative.”
– Maurice Chevalier
“Wrinkles should merely indicate where the smiles have been.”
– Mark Twain
“Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.”
– Bob Hope
“My face carries all my memories. Why would I erase them?”
– Diane von Furstenberg
“Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age.”
– George Sand
“When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra.”
– Will Rogers
“First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.”
– Leo Rosenberg
“We are always the same age inside.”
– Gertrude Stein
“I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
“Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say or do at least one outrageous thing every week.”
– Maggie Kuhn
“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.”
– Kurt Vonnegut
“Looking 50 is great if you’re 60.”
– Joan Rivers
“Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.”
– George Burns
“Old age is no place for sissies.”
– Bette Davis
“I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.”
– Rita Rudner
“You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.”
– Ogden Nash
“Middle age is the awkward period when Father Time starts catching up with Mother Nature.”
– Harold Coffin
“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.”
– Theodore Roosevelt
“Nature gives you the face you have at twenty; it is up to you to merit the face you have at fifty.”
– Coco Chanel
Funny Quotes on Retirement That Will Make You Smile
“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.”
– Gene Perret
“I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. So I do it three or four times a day.”
– Gene Perret
“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.”
– Jonathan Clements
“Retirement is not in my vocabulary. They aren’t going to get rid of me that way.”
– Betty White
“When a man retires, his wife gets twice the husband but only half the income.”
– Chi Chi Rodriguez
“In retirement, every day is Boss Day and every day is Employee Appreciation Day.”
– Terri Guillemets
“Retirement: that’s when you return from work one day and say ‘hi honey, I’m home – forever.’”
– Gene Perret
“There’s never enough time to do all the nothing you want.”
– Bill Watterson
“I have never liked working. To me a job is an invasion of privacy.”
– Danny McGoorty
“There are some who start their retirement long before they stop working.”
– Robert Half
“The trouble with retirement is that you never get a day off.”
– Abe Lemons
“Retirement: It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.”
– Gene Perret
“I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, my alarm clock, and my iron.”
– Hartman Jule
“A retired husband is often a wife’s full-time job.”
– Ella Harris
“Yes,” he laughed, “I’ve been attending lots of seminars in my retirement. They’re called naps.”
– Terri Guillemets
“Instead of saving for someone else’s college education, I’m currently saving for a luxury retirement community replete with golf carts and handsome young male nurses who love butterscotch.”
– Jen Kirkman
“When you retire, you switch bosses – from the one who hired you to the one who married you.”
– Gene Perret
“My retirement plan is to get thrown into a minimum security prison in Hawaii.”
– Julius Sharpe
“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.”
– George Burns
“Some of the best memories are made in flip flops.”
– Kellie Elmore
Funny Quotes About Aging and Getting Older for Your Instagram
“Facebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of people’s vacations was considered a punishment.”
– Betty White
“Age wrinkles the body. Quitting wrinkles the soul.”
– Douglas MacArthur
“Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places.”
– E. Joseph Cossman
“When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened.”
– Mark Twain
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
– Anthony Burgess
“With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.”
– Oscar Wilde
“Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art.”
– Stanislaw Jerzy Lec
“When you’re over the hill, that’s when you pick up speed.”
– Quincy Jones
“Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.”
– Bob Hope
“Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it don’t matter!”
– Satchel Paige
“Aging is not lost youth but a new stage of opportunity and strength.”
– Betty Friedan
“I’ve reached the age where my idea of ‘pulling an all-nighter’ is to not get up to use the bathroom.”
– Jim Harper
“Growing old is hard to avoid I guess, but growing up is something I’ve now decided to postpone indefinitely.”
– Sandra Shea
“Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings, and you hope it isn’t for you.”
– George Burns
“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”
– Betty White
“In middle age, the soul should be opening up like a rose, not closing up like a cabbage.”
– John Andrew Holmes
“To keep the heart unwrinkled, to be hopeful, kindly, cheerful, reverent – that is to triumph over old age.”
– Thomas Bailey Aldrich
“Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever.”
– Don Marquis
Want more laughs and positive energy? Then have a look at these funny retirement quotes, the hilarious work quotes here and also this one with lots of funny love quotes.