Easter.
A time of spring warmth, sunshine and quality time with the people we love.
But also a time of eating way too much chocolate and egg hunts that become more and more elaborate and competitive each year.
And in today’s post I want to help you to make this holiday even better by sharing 60 of the wittiest and most funny Easter quotes.
I hope you’ll find something here that will make you and the people closest to you laugh and make this Easter into a happy and fun one.
Funny Easter Quotes for a Happy Holiday
“I still believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and true love. Don’t even try to tell me different.”
– Dolly Parton
“Two thousand years ago, Jesus is crucified. Three days later, he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps, and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.”
– Billy Crystal
“I lied on my Weight Watchers list. I put down that I had three eggs… but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.”
– Caroline Rhea
“Here’s for me the one big question: How do you get Crucifixion, Resurrection and then chocolate bunnies, colored eggs? How do you do that one? Even kids are going, ‘Rabbits don’t lay eggs. What is this?’”
– Robin Williams
“Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through Lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.”
– Garrison Keillor
“A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, ‘When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off?’”
– Jon Stewart
“I was over in Australia during Easter, which was really interesting. You know, they celebrate Easter the exact same way we do, commemorating the death and resurrection of Jesus by telling our children that a giant bunny rabbit… left chocolate eggs in the night.”
– Bill Hicks
“My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.”
– Adam Ferrara
“Happy Easter everyone! Jesus dies, comes back from the dead — and we get chocolate eggs. It’s like turn-down service from God.”
– Denis Leary
“The real reason Easter is on a different day each year is because sometimes it’s difficult to remember which lie you told.”
– Jimmy Carr
“The Easter Bunny ate all of the carrots we left for him. What a pig.”
– Steve Carell
“Every Easter, my wife hides chocolate eggs around the house. And every August, I find one behind the couch and enjoy its melty and dusty goodness.”
– Unknown
“That first Easter must have been awkward, because you know the apostles had already divided up Jesus’ stuff.”
– William Ader
“Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the Winter Olympics.”
– Marvin Olasky
Short and Funny Easter Quotes
“Good idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter. Bad idea: Finding Easter eggs on Christmas.”
– Jack Handey
“Easter is the only time when it’s perfectly safe to put all your eggs in one basket.”
– Evan Esar
“Easter has been cancelled – they found the body.”
– Jim Butcher
“All excited for Easter. The cross is up and completely decorated.”
– Albert Brooks
“Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe filled with slush.”
– Doug Larson
“Easter says you can put truth in a grave, but it won’t stay there.”
– Clarence W. Hall
“Easter: Hide and Seek with eggs.”
– Melanie White
“I wanted to give up my children for Lent, but nobody would take them.”
– Melanie White
“You know what I’m doing for Easter? I’m gonna be hanging with my Peeps.”
– Jay Leno
“Despite the forecast, live like it’s spring.”
– Lilly Pulitzer
“You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by the way he eats jelly beans.”
– Ronald Reagan
“Spring is nature’s way of saying, ‘Let’s party!’”
– Robin Williams
“Those have a short Lent who owe money to be paid at Easter.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.”
– Fran Lebowitz
Hilarious Easter Quotes That Will Make You Laugh
“When you’re grown up you realize that it’s not the number of Easter eggs you find that’s important, but how many are dark chocolate.”
– Melanie White
“My mom asked me what I’m doing at Easter. I said the same as Jesus – going out Friday, coming back Monday.”
– Unknown
“I was fairly traumatized the first time my parents gave me a hollow chocolate bunny for Easter. I was 27, but still.”
– Just Bill
“They have Easter egg hunts in Philadelphia, and if the kids don’t find the eggs, they get booed.”
– Bob Uecker
“My father was so cheap. Every Easter we’d wear the same clothes, but he’d take us to a different church.”
– A.J. Jamal
“My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff cheaper.”
– Amy Sedaris
“Here’s the problem with Easter. The Catholic Church needs to pick a date because it keeps moving. And I think the reason they always have Easter moving to different dates is to catch us.”
– Denis Leary
“Easter combines the best of the present with the traditions of the past – like Cadbury cream eggs with hunting and gathering.”
– Melanie White
“Easter is of course to celebrate Jesus returning from the dead. Fair enough, it is difficult to resist a packet of mini eggs, isn’t it?”
– Jimmy Carr
“Easter shopping tip: When buying your daughter that frilly new Easter dress, try to visualize how it’ll look with chocolate and grass stains all over it.”
– Melanie White
“If you believe in the Easter Bunny, it means you believe in a fat, purple bunny, which is pooping multicolor eggs in your garden.”
– Alex Antunes
“Things are so tough in Chicago that at Easter time, for bunnies the little kids use porcupines.”
– Fred Allen
“Two Santa Clauses on the corner. How can you tell the Polish one? The one with the Easter basket.”
– Henny Youngman
“Lent was invented so Catholics could take another shot at their New Year’s resolutions.”
– Melanie White
“Tell the chocolate bunny I’ll pass. I have enough men in my life who are hollow and disappointing.”
– Unknown
Funny Easter Quotes for Family and Friends
“A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even if you’re cracked.”
– Bernard Meltzer
“All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!”
– Charles M. Schulz
“Forget the Easter Bunny. I need one that can do me some good — like the Energizer Bunny.”
– Melanie White
“Egg hunts are proof that your children can find things when they really want to.”
– Unknown
“Easter is a time for dressing up, looking your best, and hunting for candy. It’s Halloween in reverse!”
– Melanie White
“I’m a little hoarse tonight. I’ve been living off of Easter candy and Peeps. Sugar and yellow dye number five.”
– Stephen Colbert
“No presents for Christmas? That’s like Easter without high-stakes poker.”
– Steven Levitan
“If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them. It’s not chocolate!”
– Unknown
“Easter may not take the cake, but it does take all the cake coloring.”
– Melanie White
“It’s Easter, and they already have the Christmas decorations up.”
– Sally (from Charlie Brown)
“After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, a young farm boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly colored one.”
– Jim Kraus
“There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate.”
– Linda Grayson
Want more inspiration for Easter and spring? Then have a look at these inspirational Easter quotes, the funny spring quotes here and also this one with plenty of short Easter quotes.