We are now in January.
A month that can feel too dark, cold and on some days almost endless. It’s no wonder it’s sometimes called the Monday of months.
So to help you to make this a good one and give you some laughs and new energy on tough days I’d like to share 85 of the most hilarious, positive and funny January quotes.
I hope you’ll find something here to help lift your spirits.
Funny January Quotes for a Happy Month
“January is the calendar’s ingrown hair.”
– Stewart Stafford
“If I had my way, I would remove January from the calendar altogether and have an extra July instead.”
– Roald Dahl
“I miss everything about Chicago, except January and February.”
– Gary Cole
“I think it would be more sensible if resolutions began generally on January the second.”
– Helen Fielding
“Lots of people go mad in January. January is the third most common month for madness.”
– Karen Joy Fowler
“January is the month of empty pockets!”
– Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette
“January is the best time of year for gym owners. You all come. It’s great! And then, by Valentine’s Day, you’re not coming in anymore.”
– David Kirsch
“January is the garbage can of movies in America, directly after all the Oscar contenders have been out.”
– Michael Caine
“Feeling a little blue in January is normal.”
– Marilu Henner
“I love the Mediterranean for the fact that winter is over in a minute, and the almond blossom arrives in January.”
– Jade Jagger
“January is the Monday of months.”
– Unknown
“Somewhere along the way, I realized that the new year doesn’t begin for me in January.”
– Betsy Cañas Garmon
“I’ll never understand why everybody puts so much emphasis on January first. There are 364 other days in the year that you can make a change.”
– Elizabeth Eulberg
“You’d be so lean that the blast of January would blow you through and through.”
– William Shakespeare
“I like starting projects in January. That’s the best time to start something. It’s so inward.”
– Carolyn Chute
“There are two seasonal diversions that can ease the bite of any winter. One is the January thaw. The other is the seed catalogs.”
– Hal Borland
Short Funny January Quotes That Will Make You Laugh
“Winter is nature’s way of saying, ‘Up yours.’”
– Robert Byrne
“The light made the snowballs look yellow. Or at least I hoped that was the cause.”
– Gary D. Schmidt
“For every snowflake that falls, an idiot forgets how to drive.”
– Unknown
“It was so cold I almost got married.”
– Shelley Winters
“The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.”
– Dave Barry
“A lot of people like snow. I find it to be an unnecessary freezing of water.”
– Carl Reiner
“Winter is not a season, it’s an occupation.”
– Sinclair Lewis
“Never take a job where winter winds can blow up your pants.”
– Geraldo Rivera
“It was so cold today that I saw a dog chasing a cat, and the dog was walking.”
– Mickey Rivers
“Nothing burns like the cold.”
– George R.R. Martin
“Getting an inch of snow is like winning 10 cents in the lottery.”
– Bill Watterson
“The snow doesn’t give a soft white damn whom it touches.”
– E.E. Cummings
“I’m not going outside until the temperature is above my age.”
– Unknown
“My favorite winter activity is going back inside and putting my pajamas on.”
– Unknown
“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”
– Bill Watterson
“I can’t get out of bed on days when the temperature is less than my age.”
– Unknown
“Every mile is two in the winter.”
– George Herbert
“I was just thinking, if it is really religion with these nudist colonies, they sure must turn atheists in the wintertime.”
– Will Rogers
“To ski or not to ski, that is not a question.”
– Unknown
“‘Tis the season to be freezin’.”
– Unknown
Hilarious January Quotes for a Great Winter Season
“And some places you been before are so great that you don’t ever mind going back. Some places you been before you don’t ever want to go back, you know, like Montreal in the winter.”
– Morgan Freeman
“I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else – I don’t want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow.”
– Douglas Coupland
“Nothing is as easy to make as a promise this winter to do something next summer; this is how commencement speakers are caught.”
– Sydney J. Harris
“They say that there can never be two snowflakes that are exactly alike, but has anyone checked lately?”
– Terry Pratchett
“As winter approaches – bringing cold weather and family drama – we crave page-turners, books made for long nights and tryptophan-induced sloth.”
– Sarah MacLean
“‘Welcome to winter,’ one said. ‘When fifty percent of drivers should have their licenses temporarily suspended.’”
– Kelley Armstrong
“The smallest snowstorm on record took place an hour ago in my back yard. It was approximately two flakes. I waited for more to fall, but that was it.”
– Richard Brautigan
“A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.”
– Markus Zusak
“It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.”
– Dylan Thomas
“Imagine if fire extinguishers were full of snow. Imagine the fun we could have.”
– Neil Hilborn
“Winter collapsed on us that year. It knelt, exhausted, and stayed.”
– Emily Fridlund
“There’s no such thing as bad weather, just soft people.”
– Bill Bowerman
“Snow is like a manic pixie dream girl: fun and whimsical when you encounter it only through the barrier of a movie screen – but absolute misery to have to put up with in real life.”
– Alexandra Petri
“Minneapolis has two seasons: Road Removal and Snow Repair.”
– Steven Brust
“There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.”
– Billy Connolly
“We panic if there’s two centimeters of snow in London.”
– Sam Riley
“Winter, I wrote, was akin to living inside a refrigerator.”
– Okey Ndibe
“I cannot feel my legs from the waist down any longer. But who cares? I look good and that’s all that matters. And when I die of hypothermia for wearing formal shorts in winter, tell them to put that on my tombstone.”
– Eliza Coupe
“So cold up north that the birds can’t hardly fly. I’m going back south and let this winter pass on by.”
– Muddy Waters
Funny January Quotes on Fresh Starts and the New Year
“New Year’s resolutions have always been something to beat myself up with by the second week of January. It seems perverse to set yourself up for failure right at the start of the year.”
– Romesh Ranganathan
“I’m still the same person I was last year – now I’m just hungover.”
– Unknown
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.”
– F. Scott Fitzgerald
“May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions!”
– Joey Adams
“New Year’s Day, now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”
– Mark Twain
“Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page.”
– Henry Ward Beecher
“It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.”
– William Thomas
“Deep breaths are very helpful at shallow parties.”
– Barbara Walters
“No one has ever achieved financial fitness with a resolution in January that’s abandoned by February.”
– Suze Orman
“‘Out with the old, in with the new’ is a fitting expression for a holiday that is based on vomiting.”
– Andy Borowitz
“You know how I always dread the whole year? Well, this time I’m only going to dread one day at a time.”
– Charlie Brown
“New Year’s is just a holiday created by calendar companies who don’t want you reusing last year’s calendar.”
– Unknown
“Tonight’s December thirty-first, something is about to burst … Hark, it’s midnight, children dear. Duck! Here comes another year!”
– Ogden Nash
“Happiness is too many things these days for anyone to wish it on anyone lightly. So let’s just wish each other a bile-less new year and leave it at that.”
– Judith Christ
“A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.”
– Oscar Wilde
“I would say happy new year, but it’s not happy; it’s exactly the same as last year except colder.”
– Robert Clark
“I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.”
– Sandra Shea
“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better person.”
– Benjamin Franklin
“A New Year’s resolution is something that makes you anxious until February when you can forget about it.”
– Dave Barry
“Many years ago, I resolved never to bother with New Year’s resolutions, and I’ve stuck with it ever since.”
– Dave Beard
Funny January Quotes for Your Letterboard and Instagram
“No animal, according to the rules of animal-etiquette, is ever expected to do anything strenuous, or heroic, or even moderately active during the off-season of winter.”
– Kenneth Grahame
“It is impossible, to me at least, to be poetical in cold weather.”
– George Eliot
“To appreciate the beauty of a snowflake it is necessary to stand out in the cold.”
– Aristotle
“One of the very best reasons for having children is to be reminded of the incomparable joys of a snow day.”
– Susan Orlean
“Winter is the time of promise because there is so little to do – or because you can now and then permit yourself the luxury of thinking so.”
– Stanley Crawford
“Scarves, mittens, and hats are a great way to express your personality in the cold weather.”
– Brad Goreski
“My old grandmother always used to say, Summer friends will melt away like summer snows, but winter friends are friends forever.”
– George R.R. Martin
“No one ever regarded the first of January with indifference.”
– Charles Lamb
“I love beginnings. If I were in charge of calendars, every day would be January 1.”
– Jerry Spinelli
“Snow brings a special quality with it – the power to stop life as you know it dead in its tracks.”
– Nancy Hatch Woodward
“It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.”
– Dylan Thomas
Want more laughs and inspiration for your winter month? Then have a look at these funny winter quotes, this one with inspirational January quotes and also this post filled with beautiful and short January quotes.