The reason Stephen Colbert has never been funny is that he is incapable of making fun of himself. Even during his tenure on Comedy Central’s Colbert Report, he only mocked people on the right, specifically Fox News hosts.
Colbert not only lacks a true sense of humor, any hint of warmth, or the appeal of a guy you’d want to have a beer with (I’d have a beer with Jon Stewart), but also is void of anything approaching humility.
There is no one Stephen Colbert loves more than Stephen Colbert, and the orgy of self-worship he’s putting his tiny audience through during his final week hosting The Late Show is more proof of that and more proof of why CBS lost tens of millions per year on this insufferable dick.
Colbert is so poisoned and sick with pride that he cannot even begin to acknowledge that he turned the Late Show into a failed money pit. Instead, his self-worship demands he pretend to be a political martyr at the hands of President Trump, when there is zero evidence that Trump caused his show to lose some $40 million per year and get itself canceled.
Wednesday night was Colbert’s second-to-last show, and the self-worship was off the charts. “[D]uring the second-to-last episode of the CBS late-night talk show, the host finally revealed his answers to his iconic ‘Colbert Questionert.’”
Now get a load of this look-at-me guest list, per the Hollywood Reporter:
Former CBS Evening News anchor John Dickerson also stepped in to administer the segment, introducing each of the famous guests. Billy Crystal, “Weird Al” Yankovic, Josh Brolin, Martha Stewart, Mark Hamill, Jim Gaffigan, Jeff Daniels, Tiffany Haddish, Evie McGee Colbert, Amy Sedaris, Ben Stiller, Aubrey Plaza, James Taylor, Robert De Niro and Dickerson then each took a turn sitting behind Colbert’s desk, diving “into the depths of Stephen Colbert,” Dickerson said.
Allow me to translate…
Look at how awesome I am! Look at how popular I am! Look at all the famous people who love me!
Yet, to me, nothing sums up Colbert’s self-worship more than this from last night:
So, although the Bible and Catholic faith are crystal clear on Heaven and Hell, Colbert’s all, Naw, naw, my Savior, here’s what really happens.
Tonight is Colbert’s final show. No guests have been announced. Who knows what he has planned? What I do know is that 99 percent of America doesn’t care and that while he might not literally drop his pants and masturbate to a statue of himself, in the figurative sense we should expect nothing less.
You can watch Johnny Carson’s last few farewell episodes on YouTube. That’s what class looks like.