Why Americans Are Lonely And What We Can Do About It

Thirty-year-old Sarah works as a consultant for a non-profit in Los Angeles, but three months before the COVID-19 pandemic, her company lets her go, and she is plunged into grief and loneliness. A thousand miles away in a different city, Arnold is a newly single, widowed father of three children struggling to stay in touch with friends while still grappling with his new reality. These are just two stories of the many in our world today, but a common thread of loneliness affects many people and communities.

It is safe to say that we have all felt lonely at certain periods. From chronic illness to unemployment, the death of a loved one, and immigration, there are numerous reasons for loneliness. But a growing body of research suggests that being lonely for a sustained period could be bad for physical and mental well-being. It’s also been widely reported that the pandemic made things worse because of social distancing. Still, researchers realized that Americans were lonelier than ever before the pandemic hit, leading them to conclude that we have an epidemic of loneliness.

For example, 58 percent of Americans reported feeling lonely consistently. A few years ago, U.S. surgeon general Dr. Vivek Murthy wrote about loneliness in his book, Together, where he reports that loneliness is on the scale of the opioid epidemic or obesity. Dr. Murthy also sees loneliness as a root cause and contributor to many epidemics sweeping the world today, from alcohol and drug addiction to violence to depression and anxiety. Harvard magazine reports that the heightened risk of mortality from loneliness equals that of smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being an alcoholic. The Aspen Institute reports that lonely people likely become ill, experience cognitive decline, and die earlier.

Feeling lonely is when the number of your social connections don’t meet your need for emotional intimacy. We have heard stories about people living in big cities or being in a room full of people and still feeling lonely. Loneliness is a subjective feeling that cannot be measured, and the size of a person’s social network cannot guarantee how lonely they are. It is important to note that loneliness is not the same as being alone. Hence it is normal to want to be alone for reasons like creativity, self-insight, and relaxation. But unwanted loneliness is the problem.

Reducing loneliness is a complicated challenge because loneliness results from a mix of causes, often different from one person to another. It can be a genetic inheritance, cultural factors, and a lack of meaningful relationships. “There is no single cause of loneliness.” — Dr. Julianne Holt-Lunstad, a professor of psychology and neuroscience studying the effects of social relationships on long-term health at Brigham Young University. It makes it hard to identify who’s at risk and how to help them, but one factor is always present: physical isolation.

We have seen tons of resources for decreasing loneliness, but the first step toward culture change is a shift in mindset and on a personal level. It means understanding our critical need for community and not waiting until another pandemic for us to realize that loneliness has always been a problem. It simply means caring for one another and being treated the same way. In practical terms, here are simple tips to start connecting with others!

• Cashiers are human too, so acknowledge their presence by saying “Hi,” “Hello,” or “Have a good day.”
• You can get to know your neighbors, from hosting movie nights to striking up conversations when you see them.
• If you are feeling lonely, call someone. Try to reach out and ask for help. There is a stigma around loneliness, and by starting with each other, we can help tackle it.
• For people of faith, tapping into healthy spiritual practices can reduce loneliness.

Emphasizing community care as we do self-care is a game changer because we cannot always live our lives alone. “I read somewhere that when we talk about self-care, community care is what we need. There are things I need to do for self-care, but we also need to make sure we design our systems and communities around making sure people have space to have healthy lifestyles.” — Dr. Kayse Lee Maass, industrial engineering professor who leads the Operations Research and Social Justice lab at Northeastern University.

Technology, when done right, can increase human connections. We still need to have a larger conversation around affordability, access to the internet and technology, and who pays for innovations like virtual reality. The goal is not to increase technology addiction but to use it as a force for positive change. In our individualized society, we can do things differently. We can care for others. And we can go against the grain of society because human contact is critical.

As acclaimed British writer C.S. Lewis said: We need others physically, emotionally, and intellectually. We need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.