Comedian Chelsea Handler played a game of “Who’d you rather?” involving acolytes of Donald Trump.
And she absolutely went there.
During a broader, blistering critique of the Trump administration on the latest episode of Jennifer Welch’s “I’ve Had It” podcast, the conversation turned to White House deputy chief of staff Stephen Miller, who, Welch reminded listeners, “we’ve decided on this podcast is more unfuckable than Ted Cruz.”
Watch from the 23-minute mark on YouTube.
Handler seized on the comment to start a game, asking Welch to choose between the late Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) and Miller, a key architect of Trump’s anti-immigration agenda.
“The most unfuckable?” asked Welch. “You got to go Stephen Miller.”
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Handler then upped the ante, asking Welch whom she would have sex with out of Miller, the world’s richest person Elon Musk and Nazi Germany dictator Adolf Hitler, if he were still alive.
“Goddammit,” said Welch. “That is diabolical.”
Welch ultimately picked Musk, prompting Handler to respond: “Yeah, I guess that is the right choice.”
The conversation moved on before eventually returning to the theme of MAGA men, who Welch said “are so castrated” over their double standards and failure to defend their wives.
Welch recalled how Trump insulted Cruz’s wife, Heidi, during their 2016 GOP primary campaign, only for Cruz to later fully endorse his former rival.
“I mean, there’s just no principle, no integrity,” Welch said.
“They have no agency,” agreed Handler. “I’ve thought about Ted Cruz’s wife so many times after that, more so than these other two losers’ wives because, how could you, like, you have children together. You let the father of your children cozy up to the man who spoke to you that way. Like, talk about being married to a snake, you know? And he’s rudderless. He’s so gross, Ted Cruz. He’s not even a snake, because a snake can bite.”
Welch then resurrected the game, asking Handler who she would “rather fuck” out of Cruz and Miller.
“Stephen, I feel like I could physically take,” Handler replied. “Do you know what I mean? Like, I feel like I could probably beat him up. I’m pretty strong and he seems pretty weak. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be acting this way.”
“So, Ted Cruz is unforgivable physically to me. … Everything about him is repulsive and repugnant,” she added. “Stephen Miller, the same thing. But he’s like a little boy. Something happened to him. Something bad happened to him, for him to be acting this way. And there’s a chance that I could take him physically and possibly end his life.”
“And injure him sexually?” Welch asked.
“In a sexual situation. In a sexual scenario, yeah,” said Handler.